Commandment 2 of Marriage

"Thou Shalt Cut the Apron Strings" - Commandment 2 of "The 10 Commandments of Marriage" by Ed Young. 

God's perfect design for marriage is to leave and cleave as noted in Genesis 2:24 - "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."  This concept is mentioned five different times in the bible.  As Young noted in his book, "all marital problems stem from the husband's or wife's failure to fully follow the insturctions of Genesis 2:24 to leave, cleave, and become one flesh". (pg. 47)  The rest of this chapter is based upon how to leave and cleave to one another.

The first concept is to leave the parents.  The parents are no longer the authority over their children.  The couple now holds each other accountable.  Young points out that there is more to the concept of leaving the parents beyond just leaving the house and no longer dictating what he/she can do.  The parents are no longer the counselors for their children.  The now married couple need to go to each other to work out their problems.  Parents can give advice but Young strongly notes that all parties must be listened to including the in-law.  However, this is something that should not be done on a regular basis.  "If you want a healthy marriage, you must leave the 'safety net' of your parents behind and create your own 'home, sweet home".  (pg.51) 

The other piece to leaving the parents is losing the economic strings.  Parents that give continually tend to have the ability to control what does and does not happen in the couples household.  This does not allow for the couple to cleave together.  In fact, it could cause great tension.

Young points out other pieces of "life" that need to be left behind.  Past people, past problems and past places are three areas he touches on.  Past people include people such as past boyfriends/girlfriends or other people that can drive a wedge in the union of the marriage.  Past problems is the baggage that is brought to the marriage.  Everyone is a sinner and baggage is brought to the relationship.  They key to those problems is leaving them at the foot of the cross.  Christ died to wash away all of our sins not just some of them.  In fact, Micah 7:19 states, "He will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea."  The baggage brought to the marriage doesn't need to be a stumbling block for the couple to cleave together.  Finally, the past places that bring about memories that don't help the couple cleave together need to be left behind.

We now know what to "leave" but how does one "cleave"?  The first thing is to cleave to the covenant.  When a couple gets married they have a covenant with God and with each other.  While cleaving to the covenant the couple needs to cleave to God's principles.  The bible is the instruction guide and provides the wisdom in how to handle all types of situations.  By using the bible as the instruction guide it also keeps the couple in His word and grounded in His principles.  Finally, cleave to your mate.  That does not mean husband and wife must be together at all times.  It means that you feel joy when the other feels joy.  You hurt when the other one hurts.  You encourage one another and hold one another up through out the marriage. 

Young closes this chapter with this; "When two people become one, there may be an explosive convergence as they adjust to the new relationship.  But as they get father 'downstream' a wonderful thing happens: oneness". (pg. 60)

Remember commandment one was "Thou Shalt not be a Selfish Pig".  If a couple is going to cleave together they cannot be selfish. 

I pray this review helps you evaluate your marriage and remember the great things about your spouse!

Cheryl