Seventh Commandment of Marriage

I am not sure how time gets away from me so quickly but it has been quite some time since I have posted anything on marriage.  Therefore, it is time to take a look at the seventh commandment of marriage within Ed Young's book, "The Ten Commandments of Marriage".

This commandment, I believe is the basis of marriage or any relationship for that matter.  "Thou shalt forgive thy mate - 490 times and more."  It is at this point I am going to say, buy the book!  If you only buy the book to read this chapter, it is well worth your money.  I cannot review this chapter and do it justice.  In fact, it is a section of a book that needs to be highlighted, written in, and reviewed on a frequent basis. 

So on that note, I will add my thoughts about forgiveness and once again encourage you to buy the book.

Forgiveness is one of those things that seems to catch people off guard.  I cannot speak for anyone else, but I was so not prepared for marriage when I got married.  Yes, I was young but I don't think I would have been too much more prepared if I had been older.  I had an ideal of what my marriage was going to be and it sure was pretty.  In fact, I couldn't wait to be married because we could spend all of our time together.  Well, it only took about 2 weeks for that bubble to pop and my pretty picture wasn't so pretty anymore. 

The short story is we were both in college carrying a full credit load and having to work to support ourselves.  My husband had two jobs and I had one.  Needless to say there was no spending time together like I had dreamt about.  In fact, the stress load was quite intense so the "we will never have major arguments" bubble popped too.  What I was truly not prepared for was the pain that goes along with those major arguments.  Who knew?  I had no idea how much "love" could hurt.  I grew up in a household with married parents and they obviously did a great job of protecting us from their pain within their arguments.  For that I am very thankful!

What I had to learn and am still learning is to forgive as well as to ask for forgiveness.  Young notes in this chapter, "A marriage is not so much the union of two great lovers as it is of two great forgivers." (pg. 153)  It didn't take long for the bubble to pop because both my husband and I were human.  We made mistakes, said things that shouldn't have been said and in that we had to learn how to forgive and be forgiven.  In marriage, I learned that love can hurt but I also learned how love can grow so deep and be so gratifying because we "discovered" the element of forgiveness. 

Christ commands us to forgive.  He doesn't just say it once, He mentions it multiple times throughout the bible.  Therefore, it clearly is an important element in one's life.  The act of forgiveness allows for the love to grow deep and the relationship to strengthen.  There is no sin too big that cannot be forgiven.  Christ died on the cross and rose again so our sins would be wiped away.  He didn't say certain sins were going to be wiped away.  He paid the price for all sins.  Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

As Christ commands us to forgive, that commandment means 70 x 7 times.  Not only are we commanded to forgive we need to ask for forgiveness as well.  We can look at as we need to be forgiven 70 x 7.

Marriage is not an easy road, but it sure is rewarding when forgiveness can occur for one another.  By the way, I just celebrated my 16th wedding anniversary and Who Knew? marriage could be so amazing!

Cheryl