Tolerance

The marriage reflection for this week was based upon the word tolerance.  I felt it was fitting to share as we enter the holiday season.   

Tolerance

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is a gift of God.”  Ephesians 2:8

I think tolerance is a perfect fit for the beginning of the holiday season.  It is the season where there are 1000 and 1 things to do and places to be.  It is the season where relatives and in-laws are in the mix.  It is the season where “quirks” tend to be magnified!  It is the season where we forget to be tolerant!

Tolerance is the ability to withstand, or look the other way, when your spouse’s “quirks” drive you nutty!  Not only is it the ability to withstand the quirks but it is the ability not to let it get to you.  Dan and I fit the “opposites attract” model.  He is a morning person – I am a night owl.  He is an extrovert – I am an introvert.  He is very affectionate – I am not so affectionate.  He likes to do things spur of the moment – I like things planned.  He is optimistic – I am realistic.  Those are just a few of the differences we face each day.  The opportunity we have is to work together to fit the needs of each other.

Psalm 139:14 – “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”  God created each and every one of us unique with gifts and talents that are perfect for us.  Therefore, the differences between spouses is not “right” and “wrong” it is the melding of two lives that have been created uniquely different from everyone else.  The question is then how do you meld those uniquely different lives to be able to tolerate each other’s “quirks”?

The task of “tolerating” the differences is not a task that happens over night.  It is a task of seeing what makes your spouse tick and being aware of that.  For instance, Dan has learned the constant chaos and talking in the house eventually wears on me.  He quiets down and asks the kids to quiet down.  I have learned to be more of a morning person.  I have learned to function in the morning so we can do things together.  We do those things not because that is what we naturally come by; it is because we truly care about each other.  We are “tolerant”, or aware, of what each other prefer. 

There are always going to be differences and “quirks” you will be faced with in married life.  Have you developed the ability to withstand your spouse’s quirks?  There is also the question – do you know things bother your spouse and are you willing to change those things?  Colossians 3:13 – “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” 

As we enter this holiday season take an extra dose of tolerance!  Take time this holiday season to share with your spouse the beauty of their individuality.  Also take note in your own quirks to see what you can do to lessen the need for tolerance.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Cheryl