This week's bible passage is from 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
Take this bible passage, print it out, and post it around your house. Post it places where conversation can take place as well as places that allow you to see it and ponder it.
Cheryl
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
3rd Commandment of Marriage
This post will continue to review the book "The 10 Commandments of Marriage" By Ed Young.
The third commandment of marriage is "Thou shalt continually communicate". The keyword here being contiunally. Too many times couples feel they have worked to build up their marriage and then let it remain stagnate. Marriage is a continual process as well as is the communication piece. I believe Young said it very well. "Too many couples unconsciously buy into the idea that when they say, 'I do', live under the same roof, eat from the same table, and sleep in the same bed, they automatically grow in intimacy. Yet the simple fact is that if those two people are not communicating - if they are merely occupying adjoining space - they are not growing together but growing apart." (pg. 65)
That is what this whole chapter is dedicated to; communicating so the couple can grow together in deep intimacy. One of the first things Young addresses is the hindurances in communication. Young lists schedules, children, television, and fear of conflict as major hindurances in a couples ability to communicate effectively. I would add technology in today's world. Computers, ipads, internet, ipods, etc also play a huge role in taking away time from our spouses. All of these things are not bad things, but need to be carefully monitored so they don't take away the time needed with each other.
Setting the hindurances aside, there are levels of communication couples need to be aware of as well. Young lists five levels of communication. The first level is "Cliche's". This is where one says the words that are socially required of us. "How are you doing" "How are you today" etc. This type of communication doesn't build much of a relationship. The second level of communication is "Just the facts". This level works on passing along the facts. It is an important level of communication but as Young notes, "They can hardly sustain and grow a healthy marriage on this alone." (pg.71) The third level of communication is "Opinions and Convictions". This level of communication allows for a person to be vunerable. If one is offering an opinion or conviction it opens the person up to a possibility of conflict. However, by offering an opinion or a conviction it reveals a piece of who you are as a person. This type of communication allows for relationships to grow/deepen. The fourth level is "feelings" where the growing and deepening will continue. Sharing what one is feeling is raw emotion. However, Young noted, "Discovering what's really going on in the heart of a husband or wife frightens many married people." (pg. 73) Finally the fifth level is "Communicating Needs". "Both the husband and wife must learn to communicate their need for affection, for quiet time, for 'solitary' time, for conversation, for encouragement, and for all the other needs God intends to provide through marriage. It is within the framework of this level of communication that a couple bonds and blends and becomes one." (pg.74)
Communication doesn't just occur with speaking. Most communication is done in a non-verbal fashion. It is important for couples to be aware of their non-verbal communication to the other. The non-verbal communication can change the context of the words being said. In that, one must also learn to listen. Listening is a part of communicating because one is showing the other that they care enough about them to listen. Therefore, it is important to listen attentively.
Finally, praising one another is crucial to a marriage. When your spouse says something great about you it makes you feel good. When you spouse says something great about you in public it solidifies that you are truly loved. Complain about your spouse and all you will see is the negative things. Praise your spouse and you will see all the good things. Remember no one is perfect!
This is just a summary of this chapter in the book. There are many other helpful hints within this chapter. Check it out if you have time. It is a great book!
Cheryl
The third commandment of marriage is "Thou shalt continually communicate". The keyword here being contiunally. Too many times couples feel they have worked to build up their marriage and then let it remain stagnate. Marriage is a continual process as well as is the communication piece. I believe Young said it very well. "Too many couples unconsciously buy into the idea that when they say, 'I do', live under the same roof, eat from the same table, and sleep in the same bed, they automatically grow in intimacy. Yet the simple fact is that if those two people are not communicating - if they are merely occupying adjoining space - they are not growing together but growing apart." (pg. 65)
That is what this whole chapter is dedicated to; communicating so the couple can grow together in deep intimacy. One of the first things Young addresses is the hindurances in communication. Young lists schedules, children, television, and fear of conflict as major hindurances in a couples ability to communicate effectively. I would add technology in today's world. Computers, ipads, internet, ipods, etc also play a huge role in taking away time from our spouses. All of these things are not bad things, but need to be carefully monitored so they don't take away the time needed with each other.
Setting the hindurances aside, there are levels of communication couples need to be aware of as well. Young lists five levels of communication. The first level is "Cliche's". This is where one says the words that are socially required of us. "How are you doing" "How are you today" etc. This type of communication doesn't build much of a relationship. The second level of communication is "Just the facts". This level works on passing along the facts. It is an important level of communication but as Young notes, "They can hardly sustain and grow a healthy marriage on this alone." (pg.71) The third level of communication is "Opinions and Convictions". This level of communication allows for a person to be vunerable. If one is offering an opinion or conviction it opens the person up to a possibility of conflict. However, by offering an opinion or a conviction it reveals a piece of who you are as a person. This type of communication allows for relationships to grow/deepen. The fourth level is "feelings" where the growing and deepening will continue. Sharing what one is feeling is raw emotion. However, Young noted, "Discovering what's really going on in the heart of a husband or wife frightens many married people." (pg. 73) Finally the fifth level is "Communicating Needs". "Both the husband and wife must learn to communicate their need for affection, for quiet time, for 'solitary' time, for conversation, for encouragement, and for all the other needs God intends to provide through marriage. It is within the framework of this level of communication that a couple bonds and blends and becomes one." (pg.74)
Communication doesn't just occur with speaking. Most communication is done in a non-verbal fashion. It is important for couples to be aware of their non-verbal communication to the other. The non-verbal communication can change the context of the words being said. In that, one must also learn to listen. Listening is a part of communicating because one is showing the other that they care enough about them to listen. Therefore, it is important to listen attentively.
Finally, praising one another is crucial to a marriage. When your spouse says something great about you it makes you feel good. When you spouse says something great about you in public it solidifies that you are truly loved. Complain about your spouse and all you will see is the negative things. Praise your spouse and you will see all the good things. Remember no one is perfect!
This is just a summary of this chapter in the book. There are many other helpful hints within this chapter. Check it out if you have time. It is a great book!
Cheryl
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Family Table
My friend Karen shared a link with me regarding the family dinner table and it is a great link to pass along. As the article states, the family table is lost in today's society. The concept of sitting down together as a family and spending time talking is so important for the dynamics of the family. It is a time to deepen the relationship you as a family share. In my family, we play cards while eating. Everyone dishes up their plate and then we sit down and play a game of Euchre. The kids are good enough at it now that we can generally have some discussion about the daily events while playing. Our littlest one is starting to join in on the card playing with her own deck. She gets just as excited as the other kids.
Here is the link... http://blog.e-mealz.com/2011/05/say-yes-to-the-family-table/
Cheryl
Here is the link... http://blog.e-mealz.com/2011/05/say-yes-to-the-family-table/
Cheryl
Monday, May 23, 2011
Bible Passage for the Week
This week I would like to share Matthew 24:36 "But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only."
In light of the events of this weekend, or the events that didn't happen this weekend, I think it is imperative to know what the word of God says. There will be many people that will try and lead us astray but God's word holds true through everything. This is a bible passage to keep in the back of our mind that when someone says they know when the end of the world is, you know they don't know. This is also a bible passage to begin conversation about one's faith and the grace we receive from our Father in Heaven.
Cheryl
In light of the events of this weekend, or the events that didn't happen this weekend, I think it is imperative to know what the word of God says. There will be many people that will try and lead us astray but God's word holds true through everything. This is a bible passage to keep in the back of our mind that when someone says they know when the end of the world is, you know they don't know. This is also a bible passage to begin conversation about one's faith and the grace we receive from our Father in Heaven.
Cheryl
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Commandment 2 of Marriage
"Thou Shalt Cut the Apron Strings" - Commandment 2 of "The 10 Commandments of Marriage" by Ed Young.
God's perfect design for marriage is to leave and cleave as noted in Genesis 2:24 - "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This concept is mentioned five different times in the bible. As Young noted in his book, "all marital problems stem from the husband's or wife's failure to fully follow the insturctions of Genesis 2:24 to leave, cleave, and become one flesh". (pg. 47) The rest of this chapter is based upon how to leave and cleave to one another.
The first concept is to leave the parents. The parents are no longer the authority over their children. The couple now holds each other accountable. Young points out that there is more to the concept of leaving the parents beyond just leaving the house and no longer dictating what he/she can do. The parents are no longer the counselors for their children. The now married couple need to go to each other to work out their problems. Parents can give advice but Young strongly notes that all parties must be listened to including the in-law. However, this is something that should not be done on a regular basis. "If you want a healthy marriage, you must leave the 'safety net' of your parents behind and create your own 'home, sweet home". (pg.51)
The other piece to leaving the parents is losing the economic strings. Parents that give continually tend to have the ability to control what does and does not happen in the couples household. This does not allow for the couple to cleave together. In fact, it could cause great tension.
Young points out other pieces of "life" that need to be left behind. Past people, past problems and past places are three areas he touches on. Past people include people such as past boyfriends/girlfriends or other people that can drive a wedge in the union of the marriage. Past problems is the baggage that is brought to the marriage. Everyone is a sinner and baggage is brought to the relationship. They key to those problems is leaving them at the foot of the cross. Christ died to wash away all of our sins not just some of them. In fact, Micah 7:19 states, "He will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea." The baggage brought to the marriage doesn't need to be a stumbling block for the couple to cleave together. Finally, the past places that bring about memories that don't help the couple cleave together need to be left behind.
We now know what to "leave" but how does one "cleave"? The first thing is to cleave to the covenant. When a couple gets married they have a covenant with God and with each other. While cleaving to the covenant the couple needs to cleave to God's principles. The bible is the instruction guide and provides the wisdom in how to handle all types of situations. By using the bible as the instruction guide it also keeps the couple in His word and grounded in His principles. Finally, cleave to your mate. That does not mean husband and wife must be together at all times. It means that you feel joy when the other feels joy. You hurt when the other one hurts. You encourage one another and hold one another up through out the marriage.
Young closes this chapter with this; "When two people become one, there may be an explosive convergence as they adjust to the new relationship. But as they get father 'downstream' a wonderful thing happens: oneness". (pg. 60)
Remember commandment one was "Thou Shalt not be a Selfish Pig". If a couple is going to cleave together they cannot be selfish.
I pray this review helps you evaluate your marriage and remember the great things about your spouse!
Cheryl
God's perfect design for marriage is to leave and cleave as noted in Genesis 2:24 - "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This concept is mentioned five different times in the bible. As Young noted in his book, "all marital problems stem from the husband's or wife's failure to fully follow the insturctions of Genesis 2:24 to leave, cleave, and become one flesh". (pg. 47) The rest of this chapter is based upon how to leave and cleave to one another.
The first concept is to leave the parents. The parents are no longer the authority over their children. The couple now holds each other accountable. Young points out that there is more to the concept of leaving the parents beyond just leaving the house and no longer dictating what he/she can do. The parents are no longer the counselors for their children. The now married couple need to go to each other to work out their problems. Parents can give advice but Young strongly notes that all parties must be listened to including the in-law. However, this is something that should not be done on a regular basis. "If you want a healthy marriage, you must leave the 'safety net' of your parents behind and create your own 'home, sweet home". (pg.51)
The other piece to leaving the parents is losing the economic strings. Parents that give continually tend to have the ability to control what does and does not happen in the couples household. This does not allow for the couple to cleave together. In fact, it could cause great tension.
Young points out other pieces of "life" that need to be left behind. Past people, past problems and past places are three areas he touches on. Past people include people such as past boyfriends/girlfriends or other people that can drive a wedge in the union of the marriage. Past problems is the baggage that is brought to the marriage. Everyone is a sinner and baggage is brought to the relationship. They key to those problems is leaving them at the foot of the cross. Christ died to wash away all of our sins not just some of them. In fact, Micah 7:19 states, "He will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea." The baggage brought to the marriage doesn't need to be a stumbling block for the couple to cleave together. Finally, the past places that bring about memories that don't help the couple cleave together need to be left behind.
We now know what to "leave" but how does one "cleave"? The first thing is to cleave to the covenant. When a couple gets married they have a covenant with God and with each other. While cleaving to the covenant the couple needs to cleave to God's principles. The bible is the instruction guide and provides the wisdom in how to handle all types of situations. By using the bible as the instruction guide it also keeps the couple in His word and grounded in His principles. Finally, cleave to your mate. That does not mean husband and wife must be together at all times. It means that you feel joy when the other feels joy. You hurt when the other one hurts. You encourage one another and hold one another up through out the marriage.
Young closes this chapter with this; "When two people become one, there may be an explosive convergence as they adjust to the new relationship. But as they get father 'downstream' a wonderful thing happens: oneness". (pg. 60)
Remember commandment one was "Thou Shalt not be a Selfish Pig". If a couple is going to cleave together they cannot be selfish.
I pray this review helps you evaluate your marriage and remember the great things about your spouse!
Cheryl
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Bible Passage from Romans
I apologize for getting this out late. The blogger site was down on Thursday when I tried to post and I haven't been on since.
So for this week the bible passage is one that has been floating around through my emails this past week. Romans 12:12 - "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
This is a bible passage that could spur conversation everyday at the dinner table, driving in the car, or while doing chores around the house. What hope have you seen today? What affliction are you facing and how do find the patience in that? Then end the conversation with prayer. Being faithful in prayer with help you see the hope and find the patience needed.
This is one of those bible passages worth memorizing.
Cheryl
So for this week the bible passage is one that has been floating around through my emails this past week. Romans 12:12 - "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
This is a bible passage that could spur conversation everyday at the dinner table, driving in the car, or while doing chores around the house. What hope have you seen today? What affliction are you facing and how do find the patience in that? Then end the conversation with prayer. Being faithful in prayer with help you see the hope and find the patience needed.
This is one of those bible passages worth memorizing.
Cheryl
Monday, May 9, 2011
A Parent's Blessing
The last blessing posted was from Lamentations 3:22-23 where it stated the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases and His blessings are new every morning. I pray you have had opportuntities to share the Good News with your children.
There are so many blessings in the bible and having one more blessing in your "toolbox" to share with your children will hopefully continue to build relationships. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all."
Knowing the Lord of peace will give peace at all times is something we each can hang onto through the daily trials and tribulations we face. Remember you do not have to memorize these. Put them on a piece of paper, tuck it under your child's mattress and pull it out when you are blessing him/her. Repetition in using these blessings will help all involved to remember the blessings He has given. This is a "tool" in the "toolbox" for our children as they grow up and enter into the adult world.
Cheryl
There are so many blessings in the bible and having one more blessing in your "toolbox" to share with your children will hopefully continue to build relationships. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all."
Knowing the Lord of peace will give peace at all times is something we each can hang onto through the daily trials and tribulations we face. Remember you do not have to memorize these. Put them on a piece of paper, tuck it under your child's mattress and pull it out when you are blessing him/her. Repetition in using these blessings will help all involved to remember the blessings He has given. This is a "tool" in the "toolbox" for our children as they grow up and enter into the adult world.
Cheryl
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Bible Passage for the Week
It is time to look at another bible passage. Mother's Day is on Sunday and it is fitting to look at how wonderfully made we all are.
Psalm 139:13 -14 "For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well."
What a great bible passage to post all around the house to remind us that we are wonderfully made by our Creator and Savior! It is also a great bible passage to help start conversation with our kids and each other regarding what great attributes the Lord has given us.
Cheryl
Psalm 139:13 -14 "For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well."
What a great bible passage to post all around the house to remind us that we are wonderfully made by our Creator and Savior! It is also a great bible passage to help start conversation with our kids and each other regarding what great attributes the Lord has given us.
Cheryl
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Commandments of Marriage
In writing this blog, I am trying to cover as many topics and scenarios possible to be able to reach out to all. One topic I haven't really touched yet is marriage. Marriage is a beautiful gift given to us from God and yet the institution of marriage seems to be dwindling. Therefore, taking time to reflect upon marriage and how our marriage is going is something that should be on the front burner regularly.
I have multiple resources on marriage in my office with so many more out on amazon.com to consider! The books sitting in my office are a great resource for me, but you don't have access to them. My plan over the next 10 weeks is to review a book by Ed Young entitled "The Ten Commandments of Marriage". I will summarize each commandment over time and hopefully this will allow for you time to ponder your marriage. The book is a great book and my summaries will cover only portions of the book, so if you are looking for something to read, pick it up!
The first commandment in marriage according to Ed Young is "Thou Shalt not be a Selfish Pig". The disease surrounding this commandment is "pigitis". How do you know if you have "pigitis"? Here are the symptoms...Immaturity, time choices, insensitivity, and stubbornness. Philippians 2:3 states, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
Immaturity is moving your love from "puppy love" to a "mature love". Puppy love is wanting to be with the person because they make you feel good as opposed to a mature love seeking to grow and mature together. In my opinion, one of the best quotes in this section of the book is,"If you build your marital relationship on puppy love, you'll end up living a dog's life!" (pg.26)
Time choices look at where is it that most of your time is spent. Do you take time to for your spouse or do they just get the leftovers? Is ESPN or HGTV taking the place of quality time with your spouse?
Insensitivity, as Young states, "Kills a marriage and can destroy any kind of relationship." (pg. 29) In the day to day life of your marriage are you taking the time to understand what your spouse wants, needs, and is feeling and then acting upon those wants, needs and feelings?
Finally, there is stubbornness. Are you willing to compromise in decisions and take the time to listen to what your spouse needs?
There is a treatment for pigitis! Young has pointed out three things couples should consider. Priorities, Expectations, and Patterns. Each couple should sit down and discuss what their priorities are. Each person will bring personal priorities to the table and discussing those priorities helps you to get on the same page. Everyone brings expectations to a marriage and finding out what each others expectations are early on can save from many pointless fights. The patterns in a marriage are important also. Discuss how you are going to handle big decisions, money, discipline, etc.
Our Savior has given us the best example of love. He died on the cross for us. That is the most unselfish love their is. While considering if you have pigitis :-) take a moment to reflect on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What is love? It is...
Patient - Kind - not envious - does not boast - not arrogant - not rude - does not insist on its own way - not irritable - not resentful - does not rejoice in wrong doing - rejoices with the truth - bears all things - believes all things - hopes all things - endures all things.
So much to consider! Praying you are taking time for your marriage and enjoying each other's company.
Cheryl
I have multiple resources on marriage in my office with so many more out on amazon.com to consider! The books sitting in my office are a great resource for me, but you don't have access to them. My plan over the next 10 weeks is to review a book by Ed Young entitled "The Ten Commandments of Marriage". I will summarize each commandment over time and hopefully this will allow for you time to ponder your marriage. The book is a great book and my summaries will cover only portions of the book, so if you are looking for something to read, pick it up!
The first commandment in marriage according to Ed Young is "Thou Shalt not be a Selfish Pig". The disease surrounding this commandment is "pigitis". How do you know if you have "pigitis"? Here are the symptoms...Immaturity, time choices, insensitivity, and stubbornness. Philippians 2:3 states, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
Immaturity is moving your love from "puppy love" to a "mature love". Puppy love is wanting to be with the person because they make you feel good as opposed to a mature love seeking to grow and mature together. In my opinion, one of the best quotes in this section of the book is,"If you build your marital relationship on puppy love, you'll end up living a dog's life!" (pg.26)
Time choices look at where is it that most of your time is spent. Do you take time to for your spouse or do they just get the leftovers? Is ESPN or HGTV taking the place of quality time with your spouse?
Insensitivity, as Young states, "Kills a marriage and can destroy any kind of relationship." (pg. 29) In the day to day life of your marriage are you taking the time to understand what your spouse wants, needs, and is feeling and then acting upon those wants, needs and feelings?
Finally, there is stubbornness. Are you willing to compromise in decisions and take the time to listen to what your spouse needs?
There is a treatment for pigitis! Young has pointed out three things couples should consider. Priorities, Expectations, and Patterns. Each couple should sit down and discuss what their priorities are. Each person will bring personal priorities to the table and discussing those priorities helps you to get on the same page. Everyone brings expectations to a marriage and finding out what each others expectations are early on can save from many pointless fights. The patterns in a marriage are important also. Discuss how you are going to handle big decisions, money, discipline, etc.
Our Savior has given us the best example of love. He died on the cross for us. That is the most unselfish love their is. While considering if you have pigitis :-) take a moment to reflect on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What is love? It is...
Patient - Kind - not envious - does not boast - not arrogant - not rude - does not insist on its own way - not irritable - not resentful - does not rejoice in wrong doing - rejoices with the truth - bears all things - believes all things - hopes all things - endures all things.
So much to consider! Praying you are taking time for your marriage and enjoying each other's company.
Cheryl
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